my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
