so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
