she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
bring money and cleavage
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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