you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
