i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
