I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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