You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
smell my finger.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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