I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
