Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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