You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
