I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize