Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
