I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
