Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize