my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
