My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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