Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
