Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
