um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
