I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
