I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
