I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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