You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize