Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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