I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
