dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
