You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We are all done wearing pants today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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