That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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