and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
