here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
no more duck duck goose at the bar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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