I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
