I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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