I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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