we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
