took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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