Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
