I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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