and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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