Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
