it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
