return my video game
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
