it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
