the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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