Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
