Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize