UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
