Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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