i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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