pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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