Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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