I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
