i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
as a side note pls kill me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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