Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
