There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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