Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
