Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
