ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
