Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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