If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
