i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
