So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
