Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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