Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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