She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
