last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
