i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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