Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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