its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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