Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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