i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
