my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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