now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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