I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
