I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So much Jack, so little girl.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
