That's intense
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize