I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
