He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
