ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
