What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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