please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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