I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
