My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
