i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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