don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
