I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
