It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Randomize
