Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My feet surprised me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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