Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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