i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize