I smell stomach acid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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