i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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