I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize