3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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